Gay Marriage in California

Well, California has gone the way of Massachusetts in having courts rule a right to gay marriage. There is a reasonable chance that the voters in California will amend their constitution to reverse the court. However, in the long term, it is hard to see how gay marriage will not eventually become accepted. This is because while there are compelling reasons not to approve gay marriage, acknowledging those would require us to rearrange our priorities as a society in ways which are not explicitly designed to maximize personal satisfaction, choice and protection from normal consequences of our own behavior. IOW, we would all need to agree to be much more responsible, self-sacrificial human beings and in the culture we live in, it is hard to imagine that happening.

At this point, marriage has been defined in many people’s eyes as primarily an arrangement meant to affirm and support the love, comfort and happiness of individual adults within it. Given that marriages, particularly marriages with children, involve a great deal of discomfort, many feeling which are far from loving and sometimes long periods of unhappiness, this idea undermines both the long term sustainability of individual marriages and the justification for societal support and encouragement of marriage.

IMO, the covenant marriage which requires sacrifice of adult desires to the needs of children and in service to the marriage is dead. Society has been and will continue to abandon any sense of obligation for supporting marriages through policy and social norms. (Look at our tax policies, our workplace standards, our social services and ask yourself if any of these encourage the formation and continuation of child centered marriages. Pretty clearly the answer is no.) Given that mother-father marriage is the only form of family which consistently (although not uniformly of course) raises children who become stable, responsible and self-sufficient human beings, this is very much to our detriment.

In another 30 to 40 years marriage as a permanent arrangement, centered around raising new generations of men and women of character will exist only on the fringes. Perhaps some churches will rise to the challenge and provide the support for marriage which society and law used to. No doubt there will be some social service agencies who will see the damage done to society by raising generations of children outside of stable mother-father marriages and step up to try and counter the abandonment of marriage. But for the most part, marriage will continue to devolve into just another lifestyle choice of no concern to any other than the adult participants of it.

Of course, it would be idiotic to lay this at the feet of gay marriage. Gay marriage is simply the most startling landmark on the long road we’ve been traveling. Gay marriage is the inevitable result of society’s abandonment of marriage, children and a sense of responsibility to ideas and things larger than ourselves. It’s just a nail in the coffin confirming that we have abandoned the very ideas and things any society needs in order to be successful through generations. And really, all of us who have bought into this ethos of radical adult independence and persuit of personal desire over the good of our families and communities bear as much, if not more responsibility for that than any gay or lesbian wanting to marry another man or woman.

For a more detailed explanation of why I think gay marriage is bad for our society, see here.

To read about the French government’s rather traditionalist rejection of the idea of gay marriage see here.

To read about the self-proclaimed (in a full page ad in the NYT, no less) goals of mainstream gay rights activists which go well beyond the right to marry, see here.

Prayers for my mom

My mother is in the hospital.  It could be something serious or maybe not.  I don’t know if the doctors know right now and neither of my parents are the best sources of information.  So if y’all could just pray for her, ‘twould be much appreciated.

It’s Procrastination Day!

Over at Slate.com they have a bunch of articles devoted to procrastination up. I particularly liked Emily Brazelton’s attempts at Procrastinator’s Anonomous (they can’t get the meetings started on time). She also looks into the research on procrastinators:

Ferrari co-wrote Procrastination and Task Avoidance: Theory, Research, and Treatment and co-edited Counseling the Procrastinator in Academic Settings. The portrait that emerges from these books is pathological. Procrastination “merits extirpation,” it is a “nasty, unattractive” part of human behavior, and its “illogicalness is its salient feature.” Procrastinators are noted for their “impulsiveness,” “lack of persistence,” and “lack of self-control.” Self-reflection “is generally not a strong point with procrastinators,” and willpower “is a vital weak point” in their character. Sure, we sound like those FBI psychological portraits of serial killers or pederasts. Fortunately, our malady prevents us from carrying out any nefarious plans that we might have.”

I have struggled with being a procrastinator all my life. Always late, always putting things off till the last minute. Never getting as much done as I wanted. I have gotten so much better over the last few years. I’m still not great, but I generally get places about on time (how’s that for equivocation ) and I get things done that I want and need to get done. What I have found, and I hate to say this, is that you just have to do it. When you do whatever it is you’ve been avoiding, you realize that it’s rarely as hard or bad as you anticipated. I also try to give myself more time than I think I’m going to need to do things. I always underestimate how long things will take. I now try to start getting into the car about 15 minutes before I actually need to leave because I can never make it out without 2-3 trips back in.

I also learned that perfectionism is a major cause of procrastination. I would not do things because I knew I wouldn’t be able to do them as well as I would like or keep them that way. But I’ve come to realize that doing something decently is better than wanting to do it perfectly.

The bad news is that I’m not sure this is a trait which ever actually goes away. I doubt it will ever come naturally to me to just dive in and get things done. I still waste too much time cruising the internet (research for my blog, see). But I’ve come a long way.

Anyhow, if you have something else you’re supposed to be doing, why not cruise on over to Slate and check out their helpful articles on procrastination (see? that’s called “enabling” ).

What you do with naughty children . . .

Sorry for the light blogging. I just finished writing an article for something else, my kids have been extra clingy and I’m a bit brain tired. But I’ll be back soon.

See what happens when you work too much?

If it didn’t involve a real kid, this would be one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.  Down in Texas, a 13 year old kid whose dad was too busy to remember his birthday, ordered an extra copy of daddy’s credit card and used it to live a poorly socialized 13 year old kid’s dream.  He and a friend got an Xbox, a hotel room, a bunch of junk food and, of course, a couple of hookers to play video games with.  From the story:

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.”

The very best part is this:

They [the kids] told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.”

OMG.  That right there is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.  Maybe if this kid can get himself together he can eventually go to work as a writer for some trashy-but-very-funny adult cartoon show.

He’s been sentenced to 3 years probation on a fraud conviction.  The case was probably required by the credit card companies as a prerequisite for eating the $30K in fraudulent charges the kid racked up.  Dad on the other hand, is planning on making up for missing Jr.’s birthday by taking him to Disneyland.  Of course.

Oh, and my career advice not withstanding, the kid plans to go into the field of work best suited to his talents - politics.

HT: Reformed Chicks Blabbing

Not what you want to hear

A couple with a son serving in Afghanistan came home to find a 3 minute recording of a battle their son was caught in on their answering machine.  Apparently their number was the last on their son had called and somehow in the middle of fighting, the redial button on his cell phone got hit.  So they came home and found a recording of gunfire, swearing and “more ammo” on their answering machine.

I suppose it’s a good thing they weren’t home when this happened.  How could you hang up on that, thinking your son might be about to die?  But if you were to yell into the phone and he heard you, he could get distracted which would be dangerous.  Thankfully no one in this young man’s unit was wounded or killed in the fighting.

I have a soft spot for our service men and women and the last line from the story demonstrates one of the reasons why:

When he [the soldier involved] was played back the message, he said was embarrassed by all the swearing.

“He said, ‘Don’t let Grandma hear it’.”

Imagine that.  You’ve just been in battle and you’re still worried about Grandma hearing you swear.  Good man.
HT: Reformed Chicks Blabbing

The Context of Jeremiah Wright

Over at Christianity Today there’s an article titled “Black Power from the Pulpit” about Jeremiah Wright which places him and black liberation theology in the context of the black church and the message of Christianity. It is actually an interview with Thabiti Anyabwile who wrote the book: The Decline of African American Theology. Mr. Anyabwile is a critic of both black liberation theology and the state of many black churches, without being one of the many jingoists we’ve heard from lately who think saying, “they’re racist” constitutes a legitimate critique. He is speaking from a position of understanding and respecting the history and tradition of the black church as well as the struggles of African Americans. Wouldn’t it have been nice if more people who were disturbed by Rev. Wright’s ranting would have turned to someone with this perspective for their critiques rather than the craptastic nonsense we’ve been subjected to?

At any rate, I recommend reading the article, but here are some of my favorite take-away points:

On the way the controversy played out in the media:

Q: Has anything surprised you about the wave of indignation that has followed news of these sermons?

A: I’ve been surprised that so much effort has been made to saddle Obama with the views of his pastor . . . I’ve also been surprised at how deep the ignorance of the African American church and its preaching tradition goes.

It is interesting that some of those who were particularly upset over Wright’s remarks didn’t initially see them as being racial. They seemed to them to simply be anti-American.

Father - Daughter Affection

Ugh. I can’t believe I’m about to write a blog post related to Miley Cyrus and her Vanity Fair photo shoot for the second time in a week. It would be difficult for me to describe how little I care about Miley Cyrus. But I’ve come across several comments in reference to the photo shoot which have left me wondering. Specifically, there have been many comments about the pictures and video from the shoot with Miley and her dad Billy Ray Cyrus together. Jennifer Graham at National Review says of the video “normal people and pedophiles alike can watch father and daughter snuggle and caress each other in profoundly disturbing ways. We see lots of skin and curves and muscle, and close-ups of dad’s tattoo and daughter’s black toenail polish. It’s all very touching, but not in the Hallmark way.”

And this isn’t just an uptight conservative thing, apparently. Over at Salon.com, Broadsheet blogger Rebecca Traister calls the photo of father and daughter together “truly upsetting” and “suggestive”. She finds the video “much more creepy” than the photo even.

I put the video below, but before you watch it, let me offer my thoughts. I’m probably in the minority here, but I don’t get our culture’s huge hang-up over physical contact between fathers and their teen daughters. If anything, I think it is very unhealthy for a father to cut off physical affection with his daughter once she begins showing signs of womanhood. What a terrible message to send to a girl - “you’re toxic now”. (Of course it is only reasonable and appropriate that a father be more careful not to brush against a developing girl’s chest and should probably have stopped playing “squishy bootie” long ago.) It is not at all uncommon for a girl going through puberty to feel that her body is betraying her. When it brings not only bewildering physical changes, but a withdrawal of a loving father’s affection, one can hardly blame her. Humans are made to need physical contact and that need doesn’t go on hiatus between the time one enters into puberty and when you get married.

I also think it is extremely unhealthy to send the message to a girl entering into womanhood that all physical contact must have sexual overtones. Now that she has begun to develop even her father must be limited to nothing more than a peck on the cheek and a quick hug. Again, the message seems to be “you’re toxic now”. I find that idea far more disturbing than a daughter resting her head in her father’s lap or him brushing her hair aside to kiss her forehead.

Granted, we are a rather affectionate family. When we attended a church with pews, we had a tendency to sit pretty much thigh-to-thigh. I look at this as a good thing. There’s certainly nothing sexual about it. If anyone were to imply that my husband’s physical affection with our daughters was suspect, I would assume that they were the pervert.

And really, what precisely is so disturbing to people about father - teen daughter affection? Do they think it
hints at or could lead to incest? If a father saw his daughter as the subject of sexual interest, then obviously his affection would be inappropriate. Then again, if a father saw his daughter as the subject of sexual interest on his part, that would be a problem all on its own. However, it seems to me that it is precisely because a father doesn’t see his daughter as a sexual object that he would feel comfortable being affectionate with her.

Here’s the video:

So what do y’all think? Should the relationship between teen girls and their fathers be strictly hands off?
Or is there room for cuddling and such? Or is there room for cuddling and such, just not in public - especially when you have pouty lips like Miley Cyrus?

Oh, Grow Up Already!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I feel the need to let any men out there who are in need of medication for an enlarged prostrate gland or ED, YOU ARE FULL GROWN MEN!  I know this will come as a shock to some people, judging from all the commercials for various geriatric medications which insist on calling men “guys”.  “Do what a lot of guys have already done and talk to your doctor about Levitra!”

No, please, do what a lot of MEN have already done and relinquish the “guy” moniker to the under 30 set where it belongs.

I know I’m being petty, but really isn’t this just indicative of exactly what is wrong with our culture - we glorify the immature and infantile?  How about glorifying the wisdom that comes with age?  Call me crazy, but this might be a bit more useful than trying to pass off a 60 year old man as a “guy”.

And while we’re at it, can I just ask if we can get old man to come sucker punch Dennis Hopper on those Ameriprise commercials?  I will put up a box of Viagra for the first man to run out, deck Dennis Hopper and leave.

A Christian Feminism

Last month, I wrote two posts about women in the bible. One arguing against the idea that women are uniquely called to submit and men are ordained to lead. The other on the proverbial Proverbs 31 woman which has been laid on Christian women as an impossible ideal to strive for. I haven’t covered all of the verses addressing women in the church and in marriage on this blog. However, in years gone by I spent a lot of time reading, researching and praying over all of these verses. I could blog about them all, but at this point, it would just be variations on a theme.

When I first started looking at the issue of women in the bible, I wasn’t particularly attached to any particular set of ideas about women and men. Of course, as a child of our times a more egalitarian ideal made a lot of sense to me. However, I also knew that we get a lot further by conforming ourselves to God’s ways than to our own ideas, so I wasn’t closed off to the idea that a subordinate role for women was something I would need to make peace with.

If anything, trying to make peace with a subordinate role was my goal in studying women in scriptures. There was some thing deep within me which rebelled at the idea. I figured that if I could learn more about what God had to say and why, the idea of being under men would not be a source of pain, but would be a source of life, as all things which come from God are. If you read what I have written previously, you’ll see that the more I studied the matter, the more it became clear to me that using scriptures to demand that women take their place under men was an abuse of God’s word. At the very least, it was blazingly clear that equality in all things between men and women was not in conflict with scriptures.

However, even if we get to the point where we can see that, it still begs an important question. Why did God allow scriptures to be written in such a way that they were so easily manipulated to put women at a disadvantage? Surely God knew that this would happen and could have made things clearer - not left half His creation so vulnerable to abuse by those claiming to act in His name.